April 30, 2020

ENERGY

The Celestine Prophesy focuses on energy. Understanding how it works in general, understanding how it interacts between people, how important it is in relationships and getting in-tune with the world etc. I found the part about the dramas we play to be very interesting. There are two “coins,” so to speak, in which people choose one and favor one side. One coin is the intimidator/victim coin. On the one side is the person who uses their energy to dominate another person entirely. They summon great force and attack a person energetically/physically/emotionally/verbally. The other side of that coin is the victim. They go with the “poor me” mentality of passive-aggressively retaining their own energy in the situation by playing on sympathies. It is harder to spot this person, but they manipulate to get us to feel sorry for them and change our energy to help them. Understandably, if someone is intimidating we expect the person being intimidated to react as a victim, but a strong victim mentality is destructive in that they take no responsibility and live their lives willingly “at the mercy of others” when in fact it is simply their refusal to take control that is causing them to be in the situation they are in. The intimidator takes energy and the victim is actively blocking energy and holding it in. Oddly, the victim when energized enough can become an intimidator. It may not be their go-to but they can turn around and intimidate others when they feel the advantage.

The other coin is the interrogator/aloof dramas. The interrogator questions the other person either openly or covertly to look for holes in the other person’s thinking so they can point it out and prove them wrong. It isn’t inquisitive behavior, because they aren’t looking to learn, but a means to get energy by feeding of the other person. It is more subtle than intimidating, but it takes energy nonetheless. At the extreme, it leaves the person being interrogated feel shamed or humiliated because the interrogator found their weakness and tore the to the core. The other side to that coin is the aloof drama. They are active avoiders but not as victims but as deflectors. They “play dumb” or place their attention elsewhere as to avoid the situation altogether. They may say or do something to dodge the interrogators questions or freeze and claim ignorance. Instead of fight, they flea. They also withhold information and refuse to allow the interrogator to get enough information out of them to find a flaw because they know what the interrogator is doing and refuse to be shamed. They are actively holding on to their energy to keep it from being stolen. A talented person who is aloof will go to great lengths never to be cornered and have to give up any information, they are excellent dodgers.

I am an interrogator/aloof person and my husband is a intimidator/victim. I spend my childhood in an aloof drama in order to avoid my parents interrogating skills. My mom is one who uses both coins actively but seems to favor playing a victim. However, my dad is an expert interrogator and very aloof. I spent the first 20 years of my life feeling shamed pretty much all the time by what I didn’t know and got good at learning to stop people from every getting the best of me through my ignorance. My husband favors the victim side and goes into the “poor me” mode whenever I get upset with him. He is not very good at intimidating, and only seems to use it with our kids. However, because he has never honed his skills he just comes across as a supreme jerk instead of masterfully using it to get what he wants. Whenever I become intimidator to get something I want (like compliance from stubborn teenagers) it feels horrible and abusive to me and I don’t want to be that person. However, tearing someone to their core and shaming them doesn’t feel as wrong to me, even though the effects can be just as harmful. As I go through my own healing process, I have more compassion and empathy and although I may use my interrogation skills it is less to shame and more to unravel information that is being withheld. As a life-long learner and interrogator, it is very important to me to have facts so it feels easy to justify asking too many questions in the name of communication. I’m not really sure where that line is.

As I was reflecting on energy and how it plays back and forth between people I was struck at the patterns of my energy in my life. Because my family growing up consisted of people with very strong energies I naturally had to defend my own from being sucked away from me. My dad wasn’t that interested in dominating me and left me alone for the most part, but my mom was an energy hoarder. Whenever she felt low she would do just about anything to gain some for herself and she was very creative in engaging various dramas to create an energetic situation she could feed off of. I had to get very creative in bringing the drama under control so it didn’t kill me.

As a defense mechanism, I think I developed a pattern of matching my energy to the person I wanted to make happy so that I could feel safe. I’m going to have to explore more of that with other people and see how I do it, but I morph to fit in so as not to stand out and be a target. However, I see that with my husband I married him because he has so little of an energy need. He never has felt the need to dominate me, and when we were younger I would interrogate him and he would just shut down. I would try to get energy through my skills and when I didn’t get it, I would become an interrogator to generate more energy and when he didn’t budge I would have to deal with my own need. He was a rock that anchored me and helped me face my own need for drama and learn to find other, more healthy ways to deal with my needs. I appreciate that, it still isn’t healthy because we never learned to work through conflict or deal with our frustrations, but it has helped me to become more self-sufficient in my energy flow.