I love seeing the way patterns emerge over time. When you look back over 10, 15, or even 30 years and take a big picture analysis of things you can see how not only you showed up in the world but all the events that directed you along various paths. We may not like what we see, since we tend to want to be something we are not, but if we assess things with a non-judgemental eye we can find out who we are by who we have been. With any luck, we’ve seen personal growth, something like shaving the edges a rock to polish it, but we are still made up of the materials we started with.
I had heard of Human Design through various YouTubers that were into astrology, but because of the depth of it and my being new to astrology, I decided to not pursue learning about it. I belong to a terrific group I found on Meetup called Awkwardly Zen and one of the members does Human Design readings. One might think it was an accident, but in my meditations and due to spending a weekend at a Joe Dispenza conference, I have been focused on what direction my life should take moving forward. In pops Human Design as an answer to that direction I’ve been seeking.
There are 4 main types of people in Human Design. Most people are Generators, estimated at around 70% of the population. They are the types that are like builders with creative energy to get things done and assist others in their goals. Projectors are the administrators of the world, they excel at bringing people together and how to maximize the potential of others. They make up about 20% of the population. The smallest group is the Reflectors, at 1% of the population, they live up to their name by mirroring the energy of the environment they are in. They are like the cheerleaders helping others to be aware of what needs to be worked on and guiding them to become their best selves.
I have left the remaining 9% for last because I discovered it is what I am. I am a Manifestor. In the times before the discovery of Uranus in 1781, Manifestors were the ones in charge. They are natural leaders in that, unlike the other 3 types, they don’t have to wait for the Universe to give them permission, they can take charge and “manifest” the change they want to see. They initiate where they see fit. After the Uranus discovery, lots of things changed I don’t have a grasp on yet, but Manifestors were removed as the ones in charge as a society didn’t want dictators anymore, but rather more of a democracy of people shaping their lives on a collective level. For those of us that are born Manifestors now, we live on the outskirts of the community and produce the ideas and initiate change still, but leave it to the others to put it into motion and complete it. The problem with Manifestors is that their energy is closed and repelling, meaning that others sense that they are not open to the energies of others so people tend to distrust Manifestors until they get to know them. Historically Manifestors were tyrants, enslaving others to do their bidding. Although that is no longer necessarily true, there is a fear of the strength the energy Manifestors put off.
What this means for me is that as I look back on my life, I can see the big picture of how I showed up as a Manifestor. I go along and learn and gather information until something strikes a chord in me to take action. Then, with the goal in place, I go gang-busters toward it steam-rolling everything to make that goal happen. I am unassuming, compassionate, and friendly but when I want something nothing can stop me from getting it. Once I have obtained my goal, I sit back and go inward again for some time. I can be closed off and a classic introvert when I need to recharge from using my energy so forcefully. Those times can be months or years depending on how much energy I need for the next adventure. During my down times, I am not interested in taking charge, can focus on the mundane aspects of life, and can be somewhat boring just taking in knowledge and not getting excited about anything. Then, all of a sudden, BOOM! I have a goal to accomplish and all of life changes and everything in me explodes in the direction of my goal and I become an extrovert pushing toward my goal with the ferocity of a volcano.
One of the problems with the world not understanding the different types is that everyone wants others to be like them. So growing up with nothing but Generators around me (literally every family member I have) they didn’t understand me. My ferocity when I dug in, my general energy of independence, and my lack of needing others in any tangible way once I was old enough to dress myself, confused and frustrated those around me. It is very normal for Generator parents to try to break the spirit of Manifestor children, and mine did their very best. What that ended up looking like was my being passive and shutting off my thoughts and feelings to people so they weren’t intimidated by my strength. It worked out for me to be able to live in a world of mostly Generators. As a child, most other children didn’t resonate with me and I had a lot of trouble making friends. Learning to hide my strength and show a more adaptable side to people allowed me to have good relationships in the world, which I do not regret in the least.
The only issue I see is in my intimate relationships. Because I am not consistent in my nature, I can rest for quite some time in a more Yin role of compliance where I don’t need to control things. However, once there is something that I do want to focus on and initiate change I am quite dominating and will get downright scary when people stand in my way. Because my very aura is one of strength, I draw men who are more compliant types. However, I have difficulty respecting men who are not able to be strong during the times that I am needing to rest and recover my energy. I am not wanting to lead overall, I just need to be given leeway when I have a goal. I don’t know how to reconcile that and that will remain a focus of my meditations going forward. A true Yang energy man is going to be very unhappy with my closed, repelling aura because a Yang energy man needs a receptive and open Yin woman. Perhaps I need another Manifestor. When we are in our downtime we can read and travel together just enjoying life, but hopefully, we can find goals we both want to accomplish together that will allow us to become an unstoppable force for change and growth in the world. It would be tremendous to have a fellow Manifestor to accomplish goals with because the amount of energy needed would be divided and allow for less burn-out and possibly less down-time in between spurts. That, however, is just a theory. It may very well blow up in my face to be with another person who cannot be stopped if I am not in alignment with their goals.
More to come on Human Design. I cannot recommend enough learning as much as possible about how you operate and show up in the world. It is so freeing to be able to have permission to be me and know how I am seen and understood by others. Because we are conditioned by others who want us to be like them, it is so easy for us not to show up authentically even if we think we are. I have spent the last 5 years trying to become more Yin so that I could find a strong man, however, I don’t have trouble being Yin, I have trouble coming to terms with my inner strength and not apologizing for it when I do want something. It is completely redirecting how I approach life moving forward now that I have this information.
It is a beautiful thing to give yourself permission to show up how you were designed to show up in the world. There is always room for improvement, so learning to love others and show up in a kind and honoring way is essential. But, not apologizing to anyone about being authentically you is truly a gift to yourself.