FREEDOM BY DESIGN
Independence Day! Instead of reflecting on what it means to be free in my country, though, I ponder what it means to be free and independent as a Human Design Manifestor. I know that it a hallmark of my personality. Not only am I a Sagittarius Sun but I have my Mercury, my Mars, my Neptune and my North Node in Sagittarius. There is no way that I don’t need freedom more than most people with that alignment.
What does that look like to me now that I know I am a Manifestor? Ra Uru Hu was a Manifestor and said that the rule of thumb is don’t ask them to do anything, don’t tell them to do anything and stay out of their way. He says that if you, as a Manifestor, are okay with being told what to do you have been conditioned by Generators too much and need to learn your authority and live by it first or you’ll never be happy. I have been conditioned to allow people to direct me, even though it doesn’t feel good, it does seem like the right thing to do to get along with people. Is freedom really about being so independent I am alone?
When I was completely un-self aware I know I didn’t listen to other people. I would learn things and take it into consideration their suggestions but I did what I wanted to do and I loved that my husband at the time admired that about me. However, I have never liked to lead other people. I have a live and let live attitude. I think all people should be responsible for themselves so that if I have information, I can share it with them, but they choose what to do with it. In a management perspective, I would train and hold accountable but I didn’t like to have to “manage” them. Fortunately, in my line of work, I didn’t have to treat my staff like children and farm them. I have always worked in offices or businesses that were along the white collar lines, so the employees took responsibility. When I was a parent, I did have to become more forceful and domineering, which I hated and then spent a lot of time learning how to control my anger. I can see, as a Manifestor, that if I have to tell other people what to do I expect them to do it or I get angry. The solution there is find a way not to have to tell anyone what to do right? It tells me that I not only like freedom for myself but that I prefer freedom for those in my life as well.
So, as I am on internet dating websites and contemplating what it means to date I am completely boggled. I mentioned I spent a lot of time learning how to be feminine/Yin from Pat Allen’s book, but it is contrary to my original pre-Saturn return self. She indicates that if the woman is more masculine/Yang energy then the woman needs to be prepared for her man to not make much money, be the one who brings the fun and sensuality to the relationship, that she will likely have to pay for everything and lead in the relationship. With my aura, I will never attract a Yang energy man, but do I have to be the total dude in the relationship? I’d like a man who makes enough money to be financial stable on his own. I’m happy to share paying for things, but I don’t want to be the sugar mama. I admit, although I can be fun and sensual, I am very attracted to men who bring that dynamic to the table. Perhaps Pat Allen is taking things to the extreme and there are variations. For example, she indicates that most Yang women are obsessed with their careers. I’m not. I’m happy to have my income but I’m not a corporate climber. I am obsessed with my hobbies and my learning about astrology and spiritual things but not at the expense of my relationships.
When I was dating the last guy, he was on fire in the beginning to impress me. He paid for our dates, pursued me, paid a lot of attention to me and felt balanced in the Yin/Yang energy. However, after a few months he started wanting to hang out on my couch more than going out. He stopped planning anything to do on the weekends and started getting really comfortable with the idea that I enjoyed being a giver (a Yang energy trait). Was that in response to my energy, or was he just naturally Yin and put on a show in the beginning? I think a lot of people are confused by what society tells them and what is natural to them. As I look at this man’s history, he has Yin written all over it. He was drawn to my aura being strong and my being financially stable but I didn’t step into the Yang dominant role. I wanted him to remain more Yin/Yang balanced and he couldn’t keep up the energy that wasn’t natural to him.
Being that I like freedom, but I like balance, I am refuting some of what Pat Allen indicates. She may have been over-simplifying, because she says whoever speaks first when you meet is the Yang energy. So, if I go up to a guy and introduce myself or speak first that is my indication that I’m the Yang and he will then take the Yin role. That may be true for a while, but I contend that if someone is Yin or Yang predominantly it will come out. A Yang man is not going to remain in a Yin role just because the woman he is with asked him out. He will either feel resentful of the woman’s strength or they will butt heads a lot on who gets to be the boss. It is correct in assuming the relationship won’t work out to have two Yang energy people, but they can be married for a LONG time (as evidenced by my parents!)
So, in online dating, as a Manifestor I should initiate. That can mean I like them on the site, that can mean I say “Hi” first, but does that mean then I have to set up the dates and I have to pay for things? Again, I don’t mind paying for myself but I’m not going to set the precedent that I’m going to be the dude. I know that is my societal and feminine energy training talking but it doesn’t feel right to me. I take care of my man in so many ways and I am a giver, but I’m not going to do all the giving just for the pleasure of someone’s company. That is another trait of being a Manifestor, we don’t mind being alone. If I have to do all the work then what’s in it for me? Where is the balance? Part of that comes with having things in common and enjoying each other’s company. A key phrase on a FB page I belong to is that Manifestor women don’t need their man for anything, but they want their man for everything. Having the companionship, support, affection and feeling of going through life with someone who understands them is the most important thing. However, feeling taken advantage of never feels good to anyone!
That is my journey. As for online dating, I will say “Hi” and I will converse but I will not go out with a man who will not “make it happen”. That may mean I don’t date. However, if I am destined to be with a Yin predominant man, it will need to be 55/45 not 80/20. He will have to be able to be “a man” just without the Yang dominance. I will have embrace my inner authority and lead without stepping on my man’s male ego. The journey will be long. Thanks for joining me on it.