2022.11.08
I woke up early this morning to try to see the lunar moon eclipse. At the peak of the eclipse the clouds were covering the moon so I was unable to glimpse it, but about an hour after the peak, it came out of the clouds and I was able to view it fully for a while. I don’t know if it is an energy thing or just my fascination with the moon but I am drawn to eclipses. I remember many years ago when my kids were young pulling them out on the front porch of our house in the middle of the night to see the beautiful full eclipse. The moon looked so round in the sky with its red hue. Although I see the moon regularly it looks more like a disk rather than a ball, but something about that night’s eclipse really accentuated the roundness of the ball in the sky and made it feel more profound.
Astrologers speak of the eclipse season as giving us opportunities to remove the unwanted and call in what we need in our lives. Currently, the eclipses are centered around Taurus/Scorpio so there is a lot involved in stability, money (ours and other people’s), and our shadow sides. Ever since the eclipse last May I have felt a strong pull toward being more authentically me. I have realized how I have not fully and completely accepted myself over the years and it is forefront in my consciousness that doing so is essential to the next steps in my life.
One way this has shown up for me is in discovering I am a Manifestor in Human Design and my INFJ in Myers-Briggs. In my marriage and being a parent, I conformed to my idea of what those roles should look like. I chose to make myself domestic and serve my family because I felt that it was my responsibility. Of course, being the best I could be as a wife and mother is honorable. However, I did so in a way that was not honoring to my own energy. Ironically Manifestors and INFJs have a lot in common. I did a poll on a Facebook page for Manifestor women and over 80% had NF in their function stacks. One, I don’t have consistent energy. So getting up every day and taking care of kids and putting my needs aside was extremely difficult and burned me out entirely. However, getting up and going to a job every day is very hard on my energy as well. I’m not sure there are a lot of options for people who are not a trust-fund babies to have difficulties in this world. Two, Manifestors and INFJs are not meant to fit in with the generator world. I spent far too much time trying to provide a life that was ordinary so my kids would fit in. In doing so I never felt like I belonged.
My commitment to myself for this eclipse season is to honor my own energy. I will no longer apologize for being unique and strong. I have had so many people comment to me that I am the rock in their life. I provide stability and depth. They look to me to set the example of how to live, so I need to just live authentically. Trying to conform around anyone or any “agenda” is not authentic at all. I set my intention this eclipse season to fully and completely accept myself as I am. I can’t really be anything else (well) so let’s give it a go!
The Mystical Type 